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The Unsettling Phenomena of Spiritual Evolution
 
 

When inner turmoil is a blessing...

Am I Going MadThis is the website of the book

 
'Am I Going Mad'
 
the Unsettling Phenomena
of Spiritual Evolution

  By Marlyse Carroll
 
'Am I Going Mad?' is about the extraordinary spiritual experiences that often meet us at various stages of personal evolution. For a spiritual awakening is not all about love and light, far from it! Some of its phenomena can be very unsettling, to the point of being mistaken for depression or other symptoms of mental illness.

 
In spirituality, ignorance is definitely not bliss. It leads to uncertainty and anxiety. The more we know and understand ourselves, the easier the journey becomes. This is the intention of this book.

 
Whether you read it from cover to cover or from story to story - and they are all true stories - you'll laugh, you might cry and you'll learn a lot. You will learn about yourself through transpersonal psychology, spirituality, shamanism and quantum physics. You will end up with a solid framework of references on which to attach unusual inner experiences. This will speed up your journey towards greater emotional intelligence, physical wellbeing and spiritual fulfilment.

To order the book, please click here
Preface
 
"Am I going mad?" is a question I regularly asked myself for about 18 months in the early nineties. Even though I remained functional in the world - barely so, but still functional - I was seriously worried about my sanity.

 
 I experienced a range of phenomena that are recognized by Eastern spiritual masters as a normal part of spiritual evolution. Yet, in the West, despite sophisticated global networks of information, these same phenomena are still widely misunderstood, and often misinterpreted as symptoms of mental illness.

 
What I was experiencing was literally mind-blowing. It was an awakening that, at times, left me ecstatically happy, as if drinking from a fountain of inner joy that fulfilled my deepest needs. At other times, I felt anxious and unsettled as I had no frame of reference for what was happening to me.

 
Both my psyche and my brain experienced a massive overhaul in terms of reconnection. A spiritual reconnection to Source linked to profound physiological changes. In meditation, I often had the feeling that my brain kept being rewired, that my nervous system was creating billions of new pathways. Or maybe those pathways were always there, they just hadn't fired up before.
I kept having visions of atomic sub-structures that looked very much like solar systems bursting into existence. So much so that I got a strong urge to take courses in disciplines that hadn't particularly attracted me until then, such as quantum physics and astronomy.

At other times, eyes closed, I could see molecular chains changing in front of my inner eye. I knew with certainty that everything within me was evolving, from DNA to psyche, and that my life was re-aligning itself with a new trajectory.

Understanding this evolution from as many viewpoints as possible became my passion.

In our everyday reality we only see the side of an object when it is facing our eyes. For example, if we admire a beautiful hilly landscape, our physical senses don't have access to the other side of the mountains. Some onlookers will be satisfied with the uni-dimensional view they have, whereas others will wonder what lies beyond what they can see. Some might want to know what it would feel like to be there, to climb the mountain. Further still, some may ask questions to which there is no answer.

In the case of the psyche, our inner landscape, I believe the scenario to be similar.

The psyche is still a largely unknown territory that is viewed very differently by individuals and organizations standing on different platforms. Spirituality, medicine and psychology are the main platforms from which this elusive entity is constantly under observation. More recently, some quantum physicists have joined the ranks of observers. And quite naturally, the view and feelings experienced from each viewpoint are vastly different. As a result, hypotheses presented as truths abound in every discipline and are often contradictory.

For me, one perspective has never been enough. Ever since I was a child, I have wanted to explore and understand the unknown realms of life, from the inside out. Over the years, I have studied various disciplines with many teachers and have also gone deeply within.

It is only when I had a succession of direct experiences illuminating all sides of the mountain simultaneously that my point of view became truly multi-dimensional. Yet, even though they were incredible gifts, these episodes might have been considered psychotic from a medical perspective.

The intention of this book is to provide an understanding of the psyche that encompasses aspects of transpersonal psychology, spirituality, philosophy, shamanism, psychiatry and contemporary physics. Together, they build a solid framework of references to which unusual inner experiences can be attached, thereby removing much uncertainty and anxiety.

My goal is to demonstrate that many symptoms of spiritual emergence can easily be mistaken for those of mental illness, when, on the contrary, they are the very signs of a healthy organism re-organizing itself at a higher level.

More and more people are labeled as schizophrenic, or considered to be at risk. In most countries their free choice around medication is steadily eroding. I hope that this book will play some small part in changing this paradigm.

I also hope with all my heart that the information presented here will help spiritual seekers who are looking for a direction. May it be the signpost pointing towards well-grounded higher states of consciousness characterized by emotional intelligence, physical wellbeing and spiritual fulfillment.

For this is where spiritual evolution leads us, provided its transient phenomena are integrated rather than suppressed. When mentally healthy individuals undergoing unsettling experiences are given appropriate knowledge and support, they tend to move naturally from the breakdown of an old system to a breakthrough into new levels of awareness.

However, when they are unnecessarily medicated,their evolution stops, there is no breakthrough and the stigma attached to a 'psychotic' label usually remains with them for the rest of their lives. Having said that, there is of course much to be grateful for with regards to Western medicine and psychiatry. In genuine cases of mental illness, the medical approach is of great benefit to people in crises, and pharmaceutical products often make a huge positive difference.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The format of this book is unusual in that it interweaves three different strands:

Each chapter starts with a Gabrielle story. These are my personal stories. I find it easier to describe my deepest and most sacred experiences as an observer rather than in the "I" form. It gives me a more detached, broader perspective. All these stories are true. The only details that I have changed relate to the personal identity of some individuals mentioned there.

Each main story is followed by enough theory to bring some light to the topics at hand. This is achieved through a series of articles presenting well-researched material on a variety of subjects relating to consciousness, the psyche and our human experience.

Gabrielle reappears now and then as the writer of this book. She reflects on each subject from her current subjective perspective.

The various fonts and colors used will give you an immediate visual clue as to what is story and what is theory. Feel free to read this book in any way that suits you best. You can choose to follow it as it unfolds, or, for a lighter read, skip the theory and just enjoy Gabrielle's stories. You could also treat it as a source of reference for your own journey of spiritual emergence.

What has prompted me to write this book.

Over the past 15 years or so I have personally worked with thousands of individuals on the spiritual path. Many have shared their deepest insights and fears with me. This work has mostly taken place through the INNER PEACE Institute for Wellbeing, a non-sectarian educational organization based in Melbourne, Australia. Founded in 1995 by my husband Michael Carroll and I, its aim is to teach meditation, spirituality and wellbeing. Profound personal transformations are also facilitated through experiential workshops and retreats.

During that time, I have become very aware of the general lack of practical information relating to the subject of spiritual evolution and its crises. I believe that more and more individuals are experiencing a spiritual awakening that leaves them perturbed. Just as our planet is currently undergoing profound transformations, so do millions of men and women.

It is now time to spread this knowledge.

This book has been incubating for several years. Only now am I ready to publicly tell my own story of spiritual evolution and explain its extraordinary phenomena. The knowledge shared is based on my current level of awareness and limited by my ignorance because life is such a wondrous experience and its mysteries are infinite!

So this book is a work in progress, as is all of life. Please accept it as such.

May it prove helpful on your journey and provide you with a frame of reference that will be supportive of your personal evolution. May it give you the insights necessary to ride your own wave of inner change with understanding and excitement.

Enjoy!

Marlyse Carroll

 

To order the book, please click here


 

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